my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
two words: eviction party
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drunk is not a location!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
