No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
