She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
