she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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