I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
