i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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