So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
