You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
