Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
