i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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