your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
