woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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