I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
