I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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