and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
