Already got asked if we're dating
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
