At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
