As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
