I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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