i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
