nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
