my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
