it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
