Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
