Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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