We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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