I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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