i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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