Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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