I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
