This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
