Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
being pregnant is like rehab
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
