The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
