We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
