So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
