people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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