he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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