a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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