I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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