I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
