That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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