i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
