haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize