Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
