If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
