Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish you could order shots online.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't deserve a penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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