After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
