you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
