Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
