similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
