ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
