I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
