I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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