Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
