she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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