Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
