So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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