hell yes lets make some ravioli
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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