new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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