You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
