If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
