1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
