He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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