i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
