Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
