Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
