Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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