You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
