It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
