A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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